A catalog of the greatest battles ever fought in our imaginations.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Lawnmower vs. Zamboni
One can conquer grass, leaves, and toes with its mighty hydraulic blades. The other harnesses the power of molten ice and looks like it's being driven by Roger Clemens. There can be only ONE!
I've gotta take the Zamboni here, but this battle might be more epic that it would seem at first glance. Unless the lawnmower somehow can pop a wheelie, the front an sides of the Zamboni are effectively impervious to the lawnmower offensive. The only possible vulnerability would be the back on the 'boni. However, if this is fought on ice, the stream of near boiling water that the Zamboni leaves in its wake to re-surface the rink would surely reek havoc on the lawnmower's blades - the steam gumming up any underside lubricant. I say the only way the Deere wins is if it can draw the battle outside and somehow gain the higher ground, possibly getting the Zamboni to tip over. Of course, the Zamboni will only become top heavy enough to tip if it re-surfaces a full sized rink first and unwisely continues the fight outdoors without unloading the snowy excess.
"Snowy Excess", "Underside Lubricant", and "Over-Turned Zamboni" are all playing this weekend at the Middle East Upstairs.
It's more of a churning, scraping blade than the wildly spinning blade of the lawnmower. Still, dangerous to the toes, but doesn't cover the same kind of surface area that the mower's blades do.
So when I took the AP English Lit. exam like 500 years ago we had to read and analyze a poem. And the poem was all about a toad getting churned up by a lawnmower and then bleeding to death under a rhododendron or some kind of bush. It kind of scarred me for life.
Wait, you're all in luck! I've found the text! http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88v/wilbur-toad.html
8 comments:
I've gotta take the Zamboni here, but this battle might be more epic that it would seem at first glance. Unless the lawnmower somehow can pop a wheelie, the front an sides of the Zamboni are effectively impervious to the lawnmower offensive. The only possible vulnerability would be the back on the 'boni. However, if this is fought on ice, the stream of near boiling water that the Zamboni leaves in its wake to re-surface the rink would surely reek havoc on the lawnmower's blades - the steam gumming up any underside lubricant. I say the only way the Deere wins is if it can draw the battle outside and somehow gain the higher ground, possibly getting the Zamboni to tip over. Of course, the Zamboni will only become top heavy enough to tip if it re-surfaces a full sized rink first and unwisely continues the fight outdoors without unloading the snowy excess.
"Snowy Excess", "Underside Lubricant", and "Over-Turned Zamboni" are all playing this weekend at the Middle East Upstairs.
Zamboni easily crushes the lawnmower. Unless Leah poops one, which would require a significant amount of underside lubricant.
Don't forget, a Zamboni too has a blade. It would not be left defenseless if it were overturned.
It's more of a churning, scraping blade than the wildly spinning blade of the lawnmower. Still, dangerous to the toes, but doesn't cover the same kind of surface area that the mower's blades do.
At least if you lose your toe in a zamboni, you don't need to find a bag of ice to take it to the hospital in.
So when I took the AP English Lit. exam like 500 years ago we had to read and analyze a poem. And the poem was all about a toad getting churned up by a lawnmower and then bleeding to death under a rhododendron or some kind of bush. It kind of scarred me for life.
Wait, you're all in luck! I've found the text!
http://www.writing.upenn.edu/~afilreis/88v/wilbur-toad.html
So you're saying, if the Zamboni was a toad, the lawnmower would win?
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